It comes and goes in waves...

I was told today that everything we are going through will make me stronger one day.

The past month has definatly been the hardest emotional time of my life. It is one thing to fear for something that you have some control over, but when it comes to the life of an unborn child you are carrying...at some point you have to just surrender to the eventuality of nature.

Our 20 week ultrasound was the day after Christmas and the news was anything but a gift. We were told that the baby was measuring very small, two weeks behind, and that there was also a bright, 'echogenic' bowel. Without invasive testing there would be no answers as to the cause or outcome. That day an amniocentesis was performed and two excruciatingly long weeks later, after the gamut of 'what-ifs' and feelings of anger and deep sadness for what may never be, we finally got no answers. All of the testing came back negative, (which, don't get me wrong, is great), no chromosomal abnormalities, infections, or cystic fibrosis, no answers.

After refusing termination of the pregnancy we waited another two weeks, until today for a follow-up ultrasound to see if any changes had occured. The findings today are that our little girl is fighting. She has grown from 18 to 21 week size. The calcifications in the bowel area are still there but do not appear to be worse. Her size is still 3 weeks behind but she is staying on her own growth curve. Keep fighting little girl- we will fight for you too!


As for our not so little man, he amazes us each day. His personality continues to grow and become more of his own little person. He (and Jake) gets me through each day when I feel like breaking down by smiling and laughing in a way that only a little laugh can do. Whatever happens with his little sister with undoubtedly impact his life in many ways. I can only hope that the outcome will be a positive thing for all of us.

We are taking life one day at a time right now, trying to enjoy the days we have together and appreciating each other. That being said, I know my emotions come and go in waves depending on the day. Somedays are harder than others, some I realize that I feel like I'm emotionally running away, and others I just feel numb. Days will continue to come and go and hopefully miracles will happen. Hopefully prayers are answered and life will be sweet....

Uh-oh!

Uh-oh is Owen's new buzz word...it is said hundreds of times a day now, sometimes appropriately but mostly just because it is a cool word to say! Other than uh-oh he also says ball, choo-choo, ta-da (always said at the right time), and kitty. He is learning like crazy and loves to copy his cousins good and bad habits.

Playing in mommy's boots

Cool, new seat

We still split our week up by Jake working Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and me working Tuesdays, Thursdays, and every other Saturday so Owen gets a pretty fair share of time with both of us. Despite the little time we seem to all have together as a family we made it to Bryce Canyon in March, Moab in May, and Oregon in June. The latter part of summer was spent playing at the park and going to the zoo with family and friends. We just celebrated Thanksgiving a few days ago with my family at Deborah's house then Jake took Owen to his families while I worked the day after Thanksgiving. Now we get to look forward to celebrating the Christmas season!

All in time

At this time 2 years ago... getting ready to leave the comfort of our homes to learn the ropes of farming.
At this time 1 year ago... getting ready to give birth to a precious little child
At this time now... in awe that our little man has almost been with us for a year.

How is it that time can travel so fast and yet stand still at the same time?

Parenthood changes you. Forever. It is the best and worst of times, it conjures up emotions that you never knew lived in you, and it makes you see life through a new set of eyes.

Remember

It's been two years since we made the fateful roll of the dice which took us WWOOF'ing to Wyoming in 2010. A lot has happened since that time, much of which would have never happened (or happened very differently) if we had not chosen that fork in the road. We met some very cool people and have been impacted by their time in our lives...unfortunately I found out that one of the people we WWOOFed with lost her life on New Year's Eve...so I dedicate this post to her, as well as the reason for me starting this blog in the first place...growing roots.

It is so easy to forget in day-to-day life how much of an impact the people who come into it can have. One thing that I loved so much about our time out of the rat race and truly living in each day was meeting new people who weren't just a quick acquaintance, they became a part of your life. You worked with them each day, all day doing hard manual labor and actually seeing the fruits of your labor together. You cooked with them (or took turns cooking for each other), played cards, saw the beauty in nature, and played when the work was done...you lived side-by-side learning how hard it really is working the land...you really lived. A few weeks with people in this situation almost seems like years in the city life. Even if you don't see things eye-to-eye, you share a bond that can only be made over hard work. So, for all of those who became a part of our lives during our WWOOF'ing days...thank-you...

You will be missed Jessica.

The very beginning of a high tunnel (hoophouse)

Taking a much needed break

Chillin' after a yummy dinner

Being fed good food = amazing

Eat...eat...eat...

Decontructing an old barn to make a chicken coop

How to move a chicken coop...or how not to

HOLIDAY TIME 2011

Stationery card

View the entire collection of cards.





Yes, it is that time of the year again and I am a bit behind in ordering my Christmas cards...so if they never get sent, at least this is what they were supposed to look like :)

Thanksgiving Eve

While I should be cooking and cleaning, preparing for TWO Thanksgiving meals over the next two days (one tomorrow at Jake's sister's house and one Friday at our house) I have decided to sit and blog while Owen naps.
After about 2 1/2 months of living in a constant state of sleep deprivation Jake and I finally decided to try the Ferber method for Owen's sleep schedule. After our trip to Oregon where we let him sleep with us in the bed and my bad habit of napping with him (in our bed) during the day he decided that he liked sleeping next to us better than alone in his crib...for some strange reason... but we tried keeping him in his crib and by the end of the night...every night...he ended up in our bed. None of us were sleeping well and all of us were cranky. So a little over a week ago we started the 'progressive-waiting approach' and although extremely hard for the first few days, I must say that we are all sleeping MUCH better for longer periods of time (instead of waking up 4-6 times a night he only wakes up once a night)...so yes, my sanity is still within reach, at least for now.

We don't have much time to do anything other than work and do the basic 'stuff' around the house because of our alternating schedules. We are in hopes that by next year, or so, we will have enough saved that we can start looking for land to purchase. We still don't know how we will support ourselves once said land is bought, but there's still plenty of time to figure that out, right??   
Well, I should probably go do something while the little man is still sleeping...

Grandma visits every week!!!

Owen loves new kitty Samas

And then there were none

After many, many months of going back and forth we finally found a new home for our dog Happy. Our greyhound, Eli, has been living with my sister and her family in Oregon for about 3 months because of his non-childfriendly characteristics...aka: I like to bite baby's faces... It has been a really hard decision since in essence, these two dogs were basically our kids for the last few years; we've picked up their poop, cleaned up their vomit, cuddled with them, played with them, arranged our schedules to make sure they get fed and let out on their schedule, arranged for dog sitters when we travel or take them with us...the list goes on and on...they have been our 4-legged kids...no question... but then comes our very own little man who is tiny and fragile and precious...and the decision had to be made to put him and his safety first. It took a couple of months to find a good fit for Happy, someone who could give her more attention and love than we have the ability to do now and when we saw how really happy Happy was with her and her family we knew we had made the right decision. In looking back (and hopefully not just trying to make myself feel better) I think it was almost selfish in keeping Happy because of the fact that we couldn't give her the love and attention that she was used to, she knew that she had been put on the back burner and that she wasn't our priority any more. That and the fact that she had also been known to try eating small children...
We love and miss our puppies, and will always treasure the time that they were in our lives and hopefully one day when our little man is older and bigger we can introduce him to the love that a dog can give (and the love you can give a dog), but for now we are just focusing on raising him, and giving him all of the love in our hearts.

Eli's 1st day home

Family pic

Puppy hug

Happy's homemade bed

Hiking dogs