The first month

It's almost impossible to imagine that Claire has been in our lives for a month already, though in all honesty the first week was such a blur that I think that I feel a little cheated.

The first 2-3 days consisted of me pumping in my hospital room in-between visitors and nursing assessments, then trying to make it to the NICU for Claire's every 4 hour 'cares' (which at that time consisted of a diaper change and temperature). Initially she was in an isolette to help her with temperature regulation, but because of her being the fighter she is, she was in a big girl crib within just about a week after being born.

Our biggest concern (after knowing that she was more stable than expected) was whether there was a perforation or other issue with her bowels. We wouldn't know this until she started taking oral feeds and since breast milk (colostrum specifically) is the absolute best the doctors wanted to wait until my milk came into feed her. No pressure there... I kept pumping and doing manual expression day and night but things seemed to be very slow going-especially since it seemed everyone was watching and waiting... Finally at day 4-5 I was able to get colostrum for miss Claire and they didn't see any initial signs of a problem but they wouldn't know for sure until she worked up to taking a full feed. At this point a NG tube was placed so they could give her the breast milk. Prior to the NG tube she was receiving all of her nutrition from an IV which started out in her hand, then she had two in her poor head. Luckily (and thankfully) after the second head IV went bad she was taking enough through the NG tube that an IV was no longer needed.

While in the hospital it was relatively easy to go back and forth between the NICU and my hospital room but on day 5 I was discharged and we now had to figure out when and how (who would watch Owen) to get to Claire's cares which were now every 3 hours. We were (and still are) extremely blessed to have AMAZING support from family (moms,  Deborah, Jeannie) and my friend Wendy so that we were able to make regular visits during the first couple weeks while Jake was off work.

From the very beginning Claire showed us that just in case we were wondering, yes- she was the fighter we thought she was while in utero. She has showed us every day that she is running the show... Feisty yet sensitive, and a bit of a princess too :)

Today, on her one month birthday, she was diagnosed with a VSD (ventricular septal defect) which basically means  there are several little holes between the 2 ventricles in her heart. Claire,being the the tough little girl that she is, has no major symptoms (other than being tired) and her body seems to be compensating well. The cardiologists have said that most likely she won't need surgery and we will just need to follow up with them in a month.

I think it's safe to say that our little Claire has been and will continue to be full of surprises...

Best Mothers Day ever

An amazing 2 year old, a healthy little 3 pound girl, a supportive husband and ice cream... What else could a mom want? (Sleep excluded)

The littlest peanut (AKA Claire is born!)

After weeks... well, months really, the waiting finally came to a close. It is amazing that after each and every time of going in for a non-stress test, cord dopplers, or ultrasounds wondering whether 'today would be the day' when the day finally did come it seemed too soon.

I had been on bedrest for 3 weeks for mild pre-eclampsia, so at my 36 week OB visit my doctor said that it was time to schedule me for a c-section. This was a Thursday and I was scheduled for the following Wednesday. After leaving the doctor appointment I couldn't believe that it was finally time to have this little baby. I still had one more NST to go the Monday before my scheduled c-section and true to the course of this entire pregnancy, the unexpected happened...my blood pressure had spiked and the protein in my urine had doubled since the previous week. Luckily my doctor was on-call for that entire week so she came over to the triage and said the words I had already been hearing in my head... it's time.

I was admitted to labor and delivery around 10:30 on Monday the 22nd of April. Jake, my mom, Wendy, and Owen made it up to the hospital within an hour after my admission. My nurses Nikole and Kalli started me on magnesium and began prepping me for my c-section. Since it was a very busy day in L&D (and I had eaten breakfast around 6:30) I was told we would go back to the operating room around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Around 1:30 Dr Edmunds came into the room and said that we were up...it was time to have a baby. My emotions were all over the place at this time, and in addition to the weird feeling from being on magnesium was near losing it. I was teary to say goodbye to my little man Owen, knowing that within minutes he wasn't going to be an only child anymore. I feared for the worst in the delivery, knowing that there were no guarantees of how our little girl would do, whether she would even make it. I felt some sort of control, keeping her safe and alive as long as she was inside of me, but once on the outside I had no control of what happened.

I walked back to the OR, got my spinal anesthesia, and the surgery started quickly. Jake was by my side, anxiously awaiting the delivery of our little girl...probably feeling many of the same emotions that I was... and at 2:02 PM she arrived. She came out opening her eyes, looking at this world she was coming into:

The nurse brought her over to us before passing her through the window to the NICU where they were waiting for her. She looked tiny, but good. Within a short time the NICU let us know that she was doing well, weighing 3 pounds 6 ounces with apgars of 6 and 8.

Welcome to the world little miss Claire!!

36 Weeks, the second time around

They say every pregnancy is different. Well, they couldn't be more right.

36 Weeks

At this point in my pregnancy the first time around I was still working full time- going strong- and not really even thinking about delivering anytime soon. My biggest worries then aren't even fleeting thoughts now. 

I'll hit the 3 week mark of bedrest tomorrow, and as super thankful as I am for everyone who is helping out, bedrest sucks. I know it's for a REALLY important reason that I'm staying down but this is the point in pregnancy when you're in a mad rush to get all the last minute stuff done...and nest!! Oh, well...

This is what else has been going on during my down time.

Always fun to try mom's shoes!

It's all about the numbers...

34 weeks (and 2 years)

There are a lot of numbers involved when it comes to pregnancy...they start out normal like last menstrual period to determine your estimated gestational age, then comes your estimated due date and the milestones that come along with the weeks as they pass. As the weeks went along for me it seems that the numbers became more and more important.

There was the number of weeks we were measuring behind at the 20 week scan (two), then the odds of surviving to an age of viability (meaning the likelihood of making it far enough along without the baby dying in utero), then the two weeks of waiting it would take to get the results of an amino (to determine if the baby had a fatal genetic condition). After that set of numbers came the next numbers to worry about...the cord dopplers. Each week we still anxiously await the presence of a number (meaning there is still blood flow through the cord) and that the number isn't too high. In the mean time we fervently count each and every day that goes by along with the every 3 week growth scan to measure the 'weeks' and weight that our little girl is measuring. So, at the 33 week scan she was measuring approximately 28 weeks- now about a full 5 weeks behind in growth, approximately 2.5 pounds, and having cord dopplers of 4-5. The ultrasound tech also did a informal BPP (biophysical profile), which scored an 8/8, very good news for the overall well being of our little girl (at the current moment.

Well, on that same day a new set of numbers gained importance.... My blood pressure. Up to this point in my pregnancy my blood pressure had been In a normal range but on this day, well.... We all know how this pregnancy has been going so why not add a little more excitement?? It was elevated at the clinic appointment but not enough to do anything yet. I was told to check it later and see how it was. Later it was not good, like 150'ish/90'ish range. So...into the OB triage I went for evaluation and after an hour and a half of elevated blood pressures and 2+ protein in my urine they decided to keep me over night. A 24 hour urine was started and I was pretty much restricted to hanging out in a hospital bed. Luckily, 2 days later, my bp's stabilized and I was able to go home for Easter. Now I sit, pretty much tied to the couch and bed taking my blood pressure twice a day and resisting the urge to 'do something'...anything so that this little girl can keep growing as long as possible.

A for the importance of numbers, I don't see that ending anytime soon... All I can hope for is the right ones.

Peaceful, easy feeling

I don't know what it is... maybe months of acupuncture, possible the prayers and positive thoughts from family and friends, could be my minds complete inability to think any more 'what if's, or maybe it's just my souls' knowing that everything will be alright...but I feel ok. I feel like whatever is going to happen is happening with or without my worries, fears, or hopes. Not that any of those feeling are wrong or useless but I know feel that the strenghth of this little girl's spirit far outmatched mine, and she is the one calling the shots...I'm just helping her get to her goal of life.

The BIG 2!!

Measuring up the monster crab

There is still a couple of weeks to go until the 'official' 2 year birthday, but why not celebrate such a cool birthday all month long??

One of Owen's favorite past times, the bath!

It has been quite a ride, this past couple of years. To say the least this little man has turned our world upside down. If I had to sum it up in two words it would have to be unconditional love.

Owen is a sweet, sensitive, and loves to smile. That being said, he is defiantly all boy; cars, balls, and trains are his favorite things right now. After adjusting to not being the baby anymore we think he'll make an amazing big brother! 

Can't imagine life without you little man, Happy 2nd birthday!!

So thankful that we have a few years till this is real!