I have to admit that I've never been a fan of Star Wars. I've seen a few but don't remember much other than the classic fight scenes and other random Sci-Fi material in between. When I heard of the death of Carrie Fisher the other day I was saddened that we lost yet another icon this year, but it wasn't until I saw the 'Scary Mommy' article that I realized what a hero we lost. In "Carrie Fisher’s Mental Health Advocacy Shines In The Wake Of Her Death", (http://www.scarymommy.com/carrie-fishers-mental-health-advocacy-shines-in-the-wake-of-her-death/ ) I found a glimmer of hope that I haven't seen for awhile.
I have depression. I have severe anxiety. And this year has sucked.
I am currently trying to find a light in my 'episode' of anxiety and depression that has been worsening for over a year. I have kept my mental health hidden for decades due to the stigma attached to mental illness. I have shamed myself and made myself feel like less of a person because of my illness and even though I can control it most of the time, sometimes it does control me... and it's scary as hell.
I have been on anti-depressants of some sort since my teenage years. I have had good years and bad ones, and most defiantly have a love/hate relationship with medications but as I read in the article "Without medication I would not be able to function in this world. Medication has made me a good mother, a good friend, a good daughter”. As I am currently transitioning from Cymbalta to Trintillex I have mostly bad days. Transitioning off of an depressant is hard. It can be a time when your mind and your body seems to be trying to convince yourself that it won't get better, that life is always going to be impossible... but it can and will get better. I know it will, I've been here before and I'm still alive.
In writing this I am telling myself as well as anyone else reading this who is dealing with mental illness that it (life) will be ok. Even though it seems really bad right now, things will get better. Medications, even though trial and error, will eventually work. Mindfullness, meditation, and yoga will help. The absolute undying love that I have for my family can sometimes be hard to see and feel when depression and anxiety have a hold on me, but the love will always be there.
There is hope. I will survive this. And to anyone reading who needs this- you will survive too.
“At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of. They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.” Carrie Fisher Wishful Drinking, 2008
