Enough

I think it's pretty safe to say that we've had enough for now. I've had enough of experiencing what my patients have felt and I know poor Claire is ready for a good, long break.

I have worked for 12 years in the O.R's of labor and delivery, and for both of my children's births I experienced the O.R's from the patient perspective. During my many years in labor and delivery I've dealt with numerous patients who've had their babies whisked away through the NICU window, not knowing how their baby will do or if they will ever see them again. Well, I have now experienced the NICU world personally as well. During my two year hiatus from L&D I spent almost a year on the IV team at Primary Children's... And what would you know, I have now had the PCMC ER/numerous IV pokes on poor Claire/inpatient admit experience.  I can now honestly say I've experienced firsthand what so many of my patients have. And now I say... Enough. Poor sweet little Claire has had enough for now.

Home

After 48 days she's home :)

It takes a village

On this eve of Claire's homecoming I can't help but think of all of the people who have been such an instrumental part in helping Claire and Owen (and us) get through the last few months. I have always felt like a pretty independent person, not needing or asking people for help even when I know I need it...but this past few months have been humbling times. It has really made me embrace the fact that it really does take a village to raise children and that everything happens for a reason. Though we might not be able to see it at the time people come in and out of your life at certain times for certain purposes and you just have to embrace it.

First and foremost I have to say that without my dear friend Wendy I don't know what we ever would have done. She has been there time and time again for Owen (and us) for all of the OB visits and tests, for my entire hospitalization, and consistently during Claire's NICU stay so that I have been able to visit multiple times a day. Wendy has become Owen's second (and probably much more fun) mom as well as a constant support for me throughout this roller coaster of emotions that we call Claire.

My sister Deborah and her kids have also been an amazing support and source of entertainment for Owen while I was on bed rest and during the NICU days. Having them just minutes from us instead of two states away is a blessing for all of us.

One constant that I often take for granted but love dearly is my mom. Since the beginning (...like since my birth) she has been my biggest supporter through everything, especially the birth of my children. Age can't slow her down and even at 72 she still gets down on the floor to play cars with Owen or push him around on his bike. She makes meals and brings flowers, sends cards and brings gifts, she is the epitome of mom.

The nurses that cared for me and especially Claire's nurses are a godsend. I am so thankful for Libby and Heather, Claire's primary nurses. They got to know Claire and cared for her like one of their own family. It is an indescribable feeling to leave your newborn child at the hospital while you go to your own home. Saying goodbye day in and day out is a very hard thing -but- knowing that the nurse caring for her is not only clinically competent but also caring makes it a little easier. While I was away they essentially became Claire's substitute mom, making sure that she is well taken care of... and this is a job you can't (and wouldn't want to) trust to just anyone.

And of course Jake has been an amazing partner in this journey. From the beginning when we didn't know if Claire would ever be.... well, Claire he has been there 100%. He was my drill sargent while on bed rest and Mr mom while I was away in the NICU with Claire. He stood (well, he actually sat) by my side in the middle of the night during those first days helping me pump when I didn't have the strength and he made it to all of Claire's cares so I could rest. He has also gotten Owen to bed every night so that I can be with Claire in the evenings (to hopefully expedite her coming home).

There have been countless other friends and family who have watched Owen, brought in meals, hoped and prayed for the health of Claire, and just been there for us. It truly is amazing. Although when all of this first started I thought I could never get through it... I have been able to because of all of you.  Thank you.

Life in the NICU

As day 38 comes to a close I figure its time to describe the life and times of Claire in the NICU, though since I'm not there 24/7 it will have to be my version of it.

Now that Claire has proven herself to be medically stable our days start and end pretty much the same. I wake up to pump, then get ready for the day, usually with the assistance of sweet little Owen, always the early morning riser. Then it's off to the hospital for Claire's 8 am cares. After scrubbing in I head back to room 6 to see whether she is waking up yet. Then it's time to take a temperature and change her diaper. Claire is pretty consistent in this area, she almost always waits for a clean diaper to poop in (why not???). At this point her nurse does a quick assessment then it's time to start breastfeeding. This is the time when all bets are off... No one but Claire knows how this next bit will go.

And then it starts all over again.

There are so many milestones that newborns reach, each of them fully amazing to us as parents but NICU milestones are different. Not needing assistance breathing or oxygen was (thankfully) a quick one for Claire, maintaining her temp and graduating to a crib came soon after. Moving from the high acuity room 1 to a feeder/grower room was definatly reasurring. The absence of an IV when we came in one morning was a great relief and not needing her glowing 'bili' blanket made life much easier (although she did lose the cute glow worm effect). Increasing her feeds, milliliter by milliliter is an ongoing one, as is learning the ropes of breast and bottle feeding. One of the final milestones we are looking forward to before her discharge from the NICU is the lack of need for her NG tube.

Close to home

The emotions that arose earlier today when I was told that Claire might be gong home this weekend were intense to say the least.

The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster in regards to her feedings- will she be awake? Will she be interested? Will she have the stamina to nurse for long enough? Will she ever go home??? So on Friday her nurse Libby thought that trying her feedings ad lib, on her own schedule, might be what she needs to get this feeding piece down. A new neonatologist started on Monday and he, along with the nurse practitioner over Claire, agreed with the plan so we cut off her NG feedings. I didn't feel that things were going all that great since she was just barely meeting her minimum intake (half of what she was taking before) and her weight was down several ounces, but after rounds the Dr and NP told me that if things kept going the way they were we would be taking her home this weekend. Shit. Really? This weekend, as in 2 days away??? Claire, you've got some eating to do!

Scrunchy face