Gaining perspective

It's amazing what it takes to truly gain perspective on what's important in life. Sitting here, writing this in Claire's hospital room I feel blessed.

I was at a tipping point. I honestly felt like the littlest breeze is all it would take for me to lose it. Flat out lose it. It had been more than a year since I'd had a full nights sleep free of worry. It had been seven months since I hadn't worried hourly about the well being of Claire and whether today would be the day that we need to take her to the hospital for not eating. It had been longer than I could remember since jake and I had felt a relationship other than the constant strain of parents In desperation to get their child to eat. And poor Owen was feeling the brunt of it, despite his chill,happy-go-lucky nature it was apparent that he felt the tension. And I couldn't take it any more... I needed a break from it all.

And then I heard the news. On the day that I had planned to go out for a 'girls night out' to escape from the downward spiral I was feeling I got the news that my co-workers baby (who had the exact same in-utero diagnosis as Claire) had passed away. At 23 weeks pregnant her little baby who had braved the same prognosis as Claire was gone. My heart sank and all of the fear and desperation and agony that I faced for so many months came rushing back to me. So easily this could have been Claire. I had been told time and time again that this fate could have been ours. Only god knows why Claire made it and her baby didn't. I wish I had these answers but I do know that all of a sudden I wasn't so ready to lose it. Claire's feeding problems didn't seem quite so bad now.

She is here. And that's all that matters.

She is always going to be our challenge. That I know. But these are challenges that we can live with.

So as I sit here, now with little miss Claire in my arms I know that we're blessed. Getting a feeding tube is just one more step along this journey of our lives. And this little fighter is going to continue to show us all just how strong she is.